When something hurts at our age, it literally feels like the end of the world. A fight with your best friend, a huge embarrassing moment, a broken heart, a little group suddenly leaving you out. In the moment it seems like nothing will ever be okay again.
And here's the important part: the pain is real and you shouldn't bottle it up. But almost none of it will define your life. Both things are true at the same time.
First, yes, feel it
Acting tough and swallowing everything doesn't work. Cry if you need to cry. Tell someone you trust, whether it's your mom, a friend, anyone. Pain that's shared weighs half as much. Keeping it all in only makes it bigger.
The time-machine trick, in reverse
When something feels huge, ask yourself: "will this matter in a year? in five?". Most of the time the answer is no. That doesn't erase today's pain, but it gives it its real size. What fills the whole screen today will tomorrow be one tiny scene in a much longer movie.
Things that genuinely help
Don't make big decisions while it's hot. Don't send that message, don't cut anyone off, don't do anything final the same day. Strong emotions give bad advice.
Take care of the basics. Sleep, food, moving your body. It sounds silly, but a tired body sees everything as worse.
Surround yourself with people who actually add. Some people make you feel better, others just pour more fuel on the fire. At our age you can tell the difference. Stick with the first kind.
You're not the only one
It'll feel like it only happens to you, but we all go through this. Hurting doesn't mean you're broken. It means you're alive and something mattered to you. And that, even if it doesn't seem like it today, is kind of beautiful too.
This is one of 5 things worth learning to live through at our age. See the others.
Catalina, in "Guía de Campo para Entender a los Humanos" by Mara Solís, also goes through moments when she feels like everything is falling apart. How she comes out of it is one of the parts that stays with you most.
Take a look ↗